Coping with bullying
Bullying is when another person deliberately tries to hurt you and put you under stress.
Hurting can be physical or something verbal: but somebody can be bullying you even if they don't say anything directly to you.
The Anti-Bullying Alliance offer these definitions of what bullying is:
Definitions are different and individuals have different experiences; however from the accounts we have heard from children and young people we consider bullying to be:
- Repetitive, wilful or persistent
- Intentionally harmful, carried out by an individual or a group
- An imbalance of power leaving the victim feeling defenceless
One of the worst things about bullying is that if you are the victim it is usually very difficult to tell anyone else about it. If you can't talk to anyone then it makes things even worse.
The Kidscape Keepsafe Code called 'Good Sense Defence' provides practical and positive ways to help children recognise and deal with potentially dangerous situations. There are a number of general rules including what to do if a child gets lost and how to make an emergency telephone call. It also teaches children how to:
- Stay safe
- Say 'no'
- Cope with bullies
- Tell adults about problems
- Not to keep secrets
- Not to talk to strangers.
For full details and a copy of the Code, contact Kidscape at the address listed.
The best advice if you are being bullied is to avoid the bullies. This is not always easy either at school or work but try and stay away from the places they go. Don't be scared to take action against them. Tell someone in authority and keep a record of each occasion bullying occurs. Share your experiences with other people and don't sit back and let it happen to others. Find out as much as you can about the anti-bullying policy in your school or workplace.
Bullying Defined - to find out more, watch this film:
Bullying by mobile phone text messages or email
Text bullying is when someone abuses or threatens you by text, you can be bullied by email too. This kind of bullying is just as bad as when it happens at school or in the street. If you are experiencing bullying of this kind, you can:
- complain to your teacher or tell your parents
- be extra careful who you give your mobile phone number or email address to
- check exactly when a threatening message was sent
- and when necessary, like with all other kinds of bullying, report incidents to the police.
Are you a bully?
If you recognise that you are a bully and want to change then here are some practical tips to change the way you act with other people.
- Monitor your behaviour around others, check how you speak, your body language - try and alter the bad and imposing habits you have made.
- Try to increase your communication skills - you can receive training for this and it may help you to speak to your teacher or a parent if you are trying to make positive changes.
- You have a right to counselling too. It may help you to look at the things in your life that have made you choose to bully others. Contact the British Association of Counselling at the address below.
Young people and violence
Violence is 'a major problem for young people nowadays' for 81% of children, reveals a survey by the NSPCC. The charity is urging children to log on to the donthideit.com website and phone ChildLine to speak out about bullying, violence and abuse.
Violence is now part and parcel of life for many youngsters. According to the NSPCC survey of more than 1000 boys and girls aged 11-16, two in five children see violence as simply 'part of growing up'.
There are often problems at school, where 42% of youngsters say they have been hit, punched or kicked. Three quarters of children say they have been bullied while one in five admit they are afraid of violence in school. One in ten have been attacked with a weapon or object while on school premises. Three in five children have witnessed violence on the streets and say they are scared weapons would be used against them or their friends.
Even at home many children cannot escape violence. One in four said they had seen adults in the family being violent towards each other. Around half of domestic violence incidents (47%) involved physical assaults and 13 per cent involved the use of a weapon or object. One third of young people believed the person being violent had been drinking alcohol or taking drugs the last time.
One in six young people said they took no action the last time they saw something violent or abusive happening on the street or at school - because they did not know what to do. Only one in four believe young people know how to protect themselves.
Listen to top hip hop artist Lowkey as he gives us the lowdown on these issues >>
Anti-Bulling Campaigns
Anti-Bullying Week
Anti-Bullying Week is an annual event organised by The Anti-Bullying Alliance to raise awareness of bullying and helping young people to put a STOP to it. Visit the ABA website for more information about the campaign.
Mencap’s Don’t stick it, stop it! campaign
Don’t stick it, stop it! is Mencap’s campaign to stop the bullying of children and young people with a learning disability.
This website is fully accessible to children with a learning disability and includes animations that demonstrate the kind of bullying that children and young people with a learning disability experience every day. You can also make a sticker to show your support for the campaign. For more information visit: http://www.dontstickit.org.uk/
Useful reading
A good book about bullying is 'The Trial of Anna Cotman' by Vivien Alcock.
Please Stop Laughing at Us … One Survivor’s Extraordinary Quest to Prevent School Bullying by Jodee Blanco - new March 2008.
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